Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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