YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
