Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
