he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
