Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
