happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
