Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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