Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
