this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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