I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
