8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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