it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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