you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize