just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
