He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize