My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
