I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
