His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
