even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize