smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
