So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
