all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just blew my weed a kiss
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
