you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just found puke in my bra..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize