Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
