In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I had to cum in my sink.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
