His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
