My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
