If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
