I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
MIDGETS
????
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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