I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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