every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
