So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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