I feel like abortions should bother me more
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize