I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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