I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
