she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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