she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize