ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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