You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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