you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize