He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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