I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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