i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
