I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
