bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
