JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Actions speak louder than pants.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
