Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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