I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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