How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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