If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
