Cold hands, warm shart.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
