i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There's always time for handjobs
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
