I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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