get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
