I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
