i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
thus making me awesome and them whores
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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