the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
