I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
