Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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