I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
