you have to choose: penises or morals?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
