i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
