You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
