It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
