Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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