How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
