The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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