he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
