had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude. I can hear the air.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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